I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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