...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
