his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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