but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
