I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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