Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
