Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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