sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
