do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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