Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
