My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
