Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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