There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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