whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
