haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
