I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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