I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The air taste purple.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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