and she was petting her beer can
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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