Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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