I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
