I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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