You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
