I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
