If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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