imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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