He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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