come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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