i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking