I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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