Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
