She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
