I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
