I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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