i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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