it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
