you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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