you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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