So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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