i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
