You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize