something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
