where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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