honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is classic penis vs brain.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
