as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
