So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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