I wish I only lived at night.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
