I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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