thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
