Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
