I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
