Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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