In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
