it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we made out on top of his cat.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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