I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
