Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
