i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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