me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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