I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
