her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
