I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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