ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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