You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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