i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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