I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
