i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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