I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
