i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
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