We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have fence marks all over my body
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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