Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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