Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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