WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
