I got chris browned last night
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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