Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
