I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
