I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
