I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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