I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
