you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
