Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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