i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
