I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
